Holding on to Nothing
by MaryFan1
Summary: After 10 years of marriage the Grants hit an em pass. Can they work things out or will they go their separate ways
1. Chapter 1

The television blared from the den accompanied by the sound of children laughing. Mary walked down the hall picking up toys along the way. She couldn't imagine what was keeping Lou. She had called the newspaper, The Minneapolis Star Tribune, where he was now senior editor. He wasn't there and he hadn't shown up at home. She walked into the den to find her children, Lily and Sam, engrossed in a television show. They were supposed to be taking their baths

"Alright, you two, it's bath time. Who wants to go first?" Mary asked

"Oh, Mom, do we have to?" Lily asked, "The show isn't over yet."

"It is for you." Mary said turning off the TV, "Now scoot."

"Daddy would let us finish watching it." 5 year old Sam pouted as they walked out of the den

"Well, Daddy isn't home yet." Mary said, "So we're going to take our baths and get ready for bed. I've already let you stay up later than you should."

While the kids were taking their baths she picked up the phone and called Lou's oldest daughter, Sarah, "Hi Sarah, its Mary…oh fine but I was wondering, have you seen your dad...oh you haven't…no that's okay. I'm sure he'll be home soon. Tell Amy and Abby I said hi and I still plan on taking them shopping this weekend…okay, bye."

Mary finally got the kids bathed and in bed. It was almost eleven and she was still picking up the house and Lou still wasn't home. He seemed to be staying out later and later. One night it was a ball game, another night poker. She put the dishes in the dishwasher, came out of the kitchen and finally sat down to relax with a glass of wine. After dinner, wrangling with the kids to get their baths and go to bed, she had to go prepare reports for a meeting with the station manager that she didn't have time to do at work. She looked around the room and thought about the life she and Lou had made together over the past ten years. They might seem to some like an unlikely pair. When they married he was fifty two, divorced with three daughters and four grandchildren. She was thirty seven and never married. It came as a surprise to both of them when their feelings began to change. After a little over a year of marriage they found out they were going to have a baby. Lily Caroline was born seven months later, the spitting image of her mother. Three years later along came Samuel Louis. Lou was thrilled to have a son to carry on the Grant name.

It seemed lately that Lou was gone more than he was at home. Much of the time she felt like a single parent. He was still devoted to the children but she wasn't sure what had changed. What had started as a wonderful romance which blossomed into a committed relationship and marriage had suddenly become two people who simply co-existed in the same home. She couldn't put all the blame on him. She worked hard as well. Lou had been accepting of her continuing to work after the children were born. She knew that his ex-wife had been a stay at home mom and she knew that in some ways Lou was old fashioned. But he assured her that he wouldn't expect her to give up her career. He knew how much it meant to her. He had been there from the beginning watching her grow from an uncertain young woman trying to find her way by herself to a successful producer of a news show. She was now the news director at WJM and it was doing better than ever in the ratings. She finished her wine and as she headed to the bedroom Lou finally came through the door.

"Hi." He said hanging up his coat, "What are you still doing up?"

"Well, it's nice of you to finally show up," She said angrily with her arms crossed over her chest, "You mind telling me where you've been."

"I was at the office." He lied not wanting to upset her

"Nice try," She said glaring at him, "I called the office at eight and they said you were gone."

Lou sighed, "Alright, I went out for a couple of drinks and I lost track of time."

"Well, did it ever occur to you that I could have used your help tonight?" She asked him turning away and heading down the hall to the bedroom

"With what?" He asked following her

She took off her robe and laid it across the end of the bed, "With what?" She repeated, "How about the kids or the dishes or …damn it, anything."

"Oh come on, don't start. I've had a rough day." He said sitting on the bed taking off his shoes

"You had a rough day? And what do you think my day was like? You might have been able to pull this kind of thing with Edie and she wouldn't care. But I won't put up with it." She explained turning the covers down and getting into bed

"Mary, I'm tired and I really don't want to have this conversation right now." Lou said getting up and changing into his pajamas

"You could at least apologize for not calling. I was worried about you, you know." She said

He looked over at her for the first time since he had come home, there was a mix of sadness and anger in her eyes, "I'm sorry, it won't happen again." his voice took on a gentler tone as he got into bed

Mary instinctively moved closer to him and put her arms around him, "Apology accepted," she said kissing him then resting her head on his chest

He pulled away from her and turned on his side, "It's late, let's get some sleep."

Mary moved back to her side of the bed, a single tear escaping her eye

TBC...This idea has been rolling around in my head and I would really appreciate feedback because I'm not sure if I want to continue or where to take it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh why do we keep holding on with nothing left to hold on to? Let's be honest with each other, that's the least that we can do. I feel guilty when they envy me and you. We're holding on with nothing left to hold on to.- Dolly Parton_

Mary sat in her office going over the budget reports before her meeting with Ed Schroeder, the station manager. The morning at home hadn't been much better than the night before. She and Lou barely spoke before he headed out for a morning meeting at the paper. Her schedule allowed her to take the children to school most days and her mother picked them up. Normally her personal and professional life gave her equal satisfaction but lately she found the office a welcome distraction, when she could concentrate, that is. A knocked on the door caused her to look up from her papers.

"Come in." She said

A pretty blonde about thirty five stuck her head in, "Hi, Mary."

"Sarah, what are you doing here?" Mary asked surprised to see her stepdaughter

"I was running some errands downtown and thought I would stop in and see you, if you're not too busy." She explained

"Well, sit down." Mary said, "I'm glad you stopped by but I am pretty busy, I have a meeting to prepare for."

"Oh, well, I won't stay long," Sarah told her taking a seat in the chair opposite her, "Actually I was a little worried after you called last night. What time did Dad come home?" She

Mary looked down for a moment, "I didn't mean to upset you. He got home a little while after I called you." She didn't want to tell Sarah what had really happened. She had become close to Lou's daughters but she felt there was a line she shouldn't cross

"Oh, good," Sarah said smiling, "You sounded strange on the phone. I thought something might have been wrong." She had been married long enough to know that sound in a wife's voice

"No, nothing, I just forgot that he had told me he would be late. You know, with the kids and everything, it just slipped my mind." She said nervously

"Boy, I know how that is. So we're still on for shopping with the girls on Saturday?" Sarah asked getting up to leave, "I think Janie and Melissa are going too. Steve will join the guys for the game." She said referring to Lou's middle daughter and her husband

"That's great, it'll be fun." Mary said, "You know what, why don't you all come to our house and we'll have a cookout after we get back from shopping?"

"That sounds good, if you don't think Dad won't mind changing plans." Sarah asked standing at the door

"Mind?" Mary said, "It will give him an excuse to fire up the grill."

Sarah laughed, "Then we'll see you Saturday about 10?"

"That sounds good," Mary said with a smile, "You know, I'm really glad you stopped by."

"Me too," Sara said then turned, put her hand on the door knob but turned back again, "Mary."

"Yes?" Mary asked looking up from the papers she had returned her attention to

"My dad really loves you," She assured her, "you know."

Mary smiled as something known but unspoken passed between them, "I know."

That night as Mary cleared the dishes Lou read the paper. The kids had cooperated and were taking their baths. After starting the dishwasher she joined Lou in the living room, hoping to talk, not necessarily about the growing gulf between them, but about anything, for the first time in days.

"Well, the dishes are in the wash and with any luck, so are the kids," She said upon entering the room

"Hmmm." Lou said without looking up

She sat next to him on the couch, "So, I talked to Sarah and we thought it would be a great idea for everyone to come over here Saturday. We girls will go shopping and you guys can stay here and watch the games. Then we can have a cookout that night."

Lou groaned looking up from his paper, "Here?" he asked, "Great that means after they leave we'll have to spend the rest of the evening cleaning up."

"I thought you would enjoy firing up the grill. We haven't had everyone over in a long time." She said

He turned his attention back to the paper, "It's just such a hassle."

"Spending time with your family is a hassle?" Mary asked

"You know what I mean, the food, cleaning up." He explained

"Why are you acting like this?" She asked

"Like what?" Lou asked, "I just wish you wouldn't go changing plans we have without asking me. Is that to much to ask?"

Mary looked down at her hands, "I'm sorry if it upsets you."

He put the paper down, "Well, it's already done, don't worry about it."

Mary took a deep breath, "Lou.." She began

"Mommy!" She heard Sam calling from down the hall

Mary got up and crossed the room to walk down the hall. She turned back and looked at Lou whose back was to her. She wanted so much to get to the bottom of this but the words seemed to stick in her throat. She headed down the hall to check on Sam.

Mary was asleep when Lou finally came to bed. He had intentionally waited until he was sure she would be asleep, he didn't want to have to talk or possibly argue again. He quietly changed into his pajamas and got into bed. He watched her sleep. She was turned on her side and the moonlight coming through the window illuminated her profile. _She was still so beautiful, _he thought_, so why is it now so hard to love her like I should?_ How could explain his feelings to her when he didn't understand them himself?

Mary stirred and shifted onto her back. She opened her eyes and looked over at him, "Hold me?" She asked quietly

Lou took her in his arms and they drifted off to sleep

TBC…An awkward family gathering and will Mary break her rule and confide in her stepdaughters?


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday was beautiful crisp fall day as Mary made her way through the mall with Sarah, Janie and their daughters, Abby, Amy, Melissa and Lily. The girls headed to an ice cream shop while their moms had coffee and chatted. Mary tried not to let the situation with Lou weigh on her mind and spoil everyone's good time and she wanted to catch up on what was going on in her stepdaughters' lives.

"So how does Steve like his new job?" Mary asked taking a sip of her coffee

Janie smiled pouring cream in her coffee, "He seems to like it okay. I think the fact that it pays more money has something to do with it."

Sarah sighed, "That's not all there is to a job, you know. Money can only do so much before you realize you've spent your life doing something you don't really like."

"Hmmm," Mary mumbled in agreement, "You have to like what you do or if you don't, at least have something meaningful outside of work to offset it."

"Yeah, and I think you're the only one who has both." Janie told her

Mary smiled trying to formulate a response. She sure didn't feel like she had both at the moment, "Nobody's life is perfect."

"Well, I'd say you and dad are pretty close." Sarah said, she always thought her parents were perfect for each other but she didn't know any two people who had more in common that her father and Mary

Mary smiled, "Maybe, but no couple, no matter how happy, don't have struggles from time to time, you know. It's not always a rose garden."

Sarah and Janie looked at each other. They had talked the other night after Mary had called Sarah and were concerned that something was going on. They hoped Mary might confide in them at some point.

"Mary, are you alright?" Sarah asked

"Yeah, I'm fine." Mary assured her, "Why?

Another look passed between Sarah and Janie, "Well, Sarah called me the other night and said you called her looking for dad. Are you sure everything is alright?"

_Great, _she thought, _now I'm backed into a corner, _"Yes, everything is fine. I just forgot he told me he would be late, that's all." She basically repeated the same thing she had told Sarah in her office a few days earlier

"Well, if you're sure." Janie asked, Sarah had told her about her conversation with Mary in her office and something wasn't adding up but she decided to drop it for now

Mary smiled again and placed her hand on Janie's on the table, "Listen, I appreciate the concern but there's no need." She told them, "Now let's find the girls and finish our marathon shopping trip, huh?"

Janie and Sarah decided to drop it and the three of them went to find their daughters.

Later that evening Mary and Lou's daughters were preparing the salads and side dishes while Lou, Steve and Bill were tending to the grill. Lou and Mary had mainly avoided each other and part of her dreaded everyone leaving after dinner. Lou and Steve walked in the kitchen to get the burgers.

"Hey, Mary, is it alright if I get a couple of beers?" Steve asked

"Yeah, help yourself." She said chopping up vegetables for the salad

Steve went to the refrigerator and got two beers out and moved to the counter to open them

"Well, the grill is all ready, ladies." Lou said, "So how are we coming with the burgers?"

Janie was stirring the baked beans and Sarah finished patting the burgers, "All done, Dad. Have at it."

He walked over to the counter where the plate of burgers sat, "Thank you, honey."

"Oh, sweetheart, don't forget that Sam doesn't want cheese on his." Mary said dumping chopped cucumbers into the salad bowl and starting to slice a carrot

"I think I know my son well enough to know how he likes his hamburger, "he snapped, "Why don't you worry about the rest of the food and let me handle it. Or do you have to control everything?" He walked out of the house the screen door closing with a slam

Janie, Sarah and Steve all looked at each other, "Mary, are you alright?" Sarah asked

Mary looked up forcing a smile, her eyes slightly moist, as she continued chopping vegetables, "I'm fine." She said just as she accidentally cut her finger with the knife, "Damn." She muttered putting her finger in her mouth, "Excuse me." She said walking out of the kitchen

Janie and Steve went outside to try and talk to Lou. There was definitely something wrong and they wanted to get to the bottom of it. Lou's outburst was uncharacteristic, at least when it came to his wife. He could be gruff with people but not with Mary. She normally brought out gentleness in him that his daughters couldn't even remember their mother being able to do. Janie walked over to him while Steve pulled Bill aside and told him what happened

"Dad, what was that all about?" She asked as he turned the burgers

"What?" he asked, feeling embarrassed but not wanting to talk to his daughter about it

"You know what. You very nearly took Mary's head off for an innocent remark." Janie observed

"I don't want to talk about it." He insisted

"Okay, maybe you don't want to tell me but I think your wife deserves an explanation. She's pretty upset." Janie said

"Alright, I'll apologize, but you don't understand." Lou told her as he put cheese on all but one burger

"Well I guess I don't," She admitted, "You have a wonderful wife who is absolutely crazy about you and who we all thought you were crazy about. So I guess I don't understand why you are acting like this."

"It's none of your business," He said, "Just drop it."

"Uh huh, did you know Mary called Sarah the other night because she didn't know where you were?" Janie asked him, "Sarah called and told me."

"I was having a few drinks with some guys at the paper and lost track of time, that's all." He explained flipping the burgers again

"Well, I suggest you talk to your wife. " Janie said turning away and walking back to the house

Meanwhile Sarah went to find Mary and she found her sitting on her bed crying. She came in and sat beside her.

"What's going on, Mary?" She asked

"I wish I knew," She told her, "He's been acting like this for a couple of weeks but he won't talk to me about it."

"You didn't forget he told you that he'd be late the other night, did you?" Sarah asked gently, "You had no idea where he was."

"No, I didn't. He came home about eleven and tried to tell me he'd been at the office," Mary explained wiping her eyes, "I had already called the office and knew he had been gone since at least eight."

Sarah thought for a moment, "You don't think…."

Mary looked at her, "Another woman?" She questioned, "No, I believe he was having drinks and lost track of time. He just seems so distant lately."

"Well, you two really need to talk." Sarah told her

"I know and I want to." Mary said

"You okay to rejoin the party?" Sarah asked

"Yeah, I'm okay."

After dinner everyone left fairly quickly to give Mary and Lou a chance to talk. After cleaning up and putting the kids to bed, Mary was sitting on the patio with a drink. Lou walked out holding two bottles of beer. He sat in the chair beside her.

"Wanna join me?" He asked, handing her a beer

"I started without you." She explained holding up her gin and tonic

"Oh," He said taking a drink, "How's your hand?"

She looked at the finger that had a bandage on it, "Its fine. It wasn't that bad," She told him, "There are other things that hurt worse than a cut."

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said, "I'm sorry about everything."

Mary smiled, "I know you are. I just wish you would tell me what's bothering you."

"I would if I knew myself," He said

"We've always been able to talk to each other, you know." She told him, "From the time you told me 'you've got spunk' until we told each other 'I do', there hasn't been anything we couldn't talk about."

He took another drink trying to find the words he wanted to say without hurting her, "I guess I'm feeling…I don't know, smothered, controlled, like my life isn't my own."

"After all these years, you've starting feeling this way?" She asked wanting to understand

"I wish I could explain it, but it's like everything is closing in, like I can't breathe." He explained

Mary took another drink and braced herself to ask what she didn't want to ask, "Do you want out?"

Lou took a deep breath, "I don't know." He got up, put a hand on her shoulder and walked back inside

Mary sat for a while longer and didn't bother to fight the tears. Then she did the only thing she knew to do. She slept in the guest room.

TBC….

By the way, if you all want to hear the Dolly Parton song I quoted in chapter 2, there are two videos on youtube, just search for the title "Holding on to Nothing."


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday morning Lou got up early to go play golf with Steve and Bill while Mary and the children went to visit her mother. Mary's father had passed away a few years ago and Dottie relished the time she spent with her grandchildren. While the children played outside Mary and Dottie chatted over coffee in the living room.

"So I was thinking about finally remodeling this room." Dottie said

"Hmmm." Mary mumbled standing at the window watching the children

"This old wallpaper has certainly seen better days." Dottie remarked taking a sip of her coffee

"Yeah." Mary said raising her cup to her lips

It was obvious to Dottie that her daughter was distracted, "I was thinking about painting the room hot pink with purple stripes." She quipped trying to get Mary's attention

"That would be nice." Mary responded

"Honey, what's wrong?" Dottie finally asked

"Huh?" Mary said then turned from the window, "Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. I guess I'm lousy company today."

"Would you like to talk about it?" She asked. She had never seen Mary quite so out of sorts

Mary walked over to the couch and sat down next to her mother, "Mom, did Dad ever, um, pull away from you, emotionally, I mean?" She asked

"I don't know but our generation didn't spend a lot of time analyzing things. We just muddled through." Dottie said, "Tell me what happened."

"It's Lou." She began, "He's been acting distant and irritable for a couple of weeks. The least little thing he'll snap at me."

"Have you talked to him about it?" Dottie asked

"We talked a little last night. The kids had come over for a cookout and everything was going okay until I reminded him not to put cheese on Sam's hamburger. He nearly took my head off in front of everyone, well except Lily, Sam and Bill, they were outside."

"That doesn't sound like Lou." Dottie remarked

Mary looked down at her coffee cup, "No, it's not like him. He can be gruff but not like that, not with me anyway. So after everyone left we were sitting outside and he told me he feels smothered, controlled. I really don't understand it."

Dottie smiled warmly, "Well, maybe it's just a phase. A lot of men go through things like that."

"I don't know, Mom. I asked him if he wanted out and he said he didn't know." Mary could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and tears forming in her eyes, "I did the only thing I knew to do and gave him some space. I slept in the guest room last night."

"Oh, Baby," Dottie said as she pulled her daughter into a comforting embrace, "It's going to be alright." She patted her back, "It's going to be alright."

Lou, Steve and Bill took a break between rounds and were eating lunch in the clubhouse. Steve and Bill were hoping to get more out of Lou about what was going on.

"So what sounds good to you guys?" Lou said looking over the menu, "My treat."

"Lou, you don't have to do that. We already ate a free meal at your house yesterday." Bill told him taking a drink of water

"Well, that's why I want to do this. I feel bad about yesterday. Besides, you're family." He insisted

Bill and Steve looked at each other, "Okay, you can treat us on one condition." Steve informed him

"Uh huh, and what is that?" Lou asked

"That you tell us what is going on with you." Steve told him, "Janie and Sarah are really worried about you."

"I don't want them to worry about me. This is just something I have to work out." Lou assured them

"Well, it's doesn't just affect you or have you forgotten about your wife and kids. I think they deserve some consideration." Bill told him, he had never talked to his father in law like that

Lou glared at him, "I don't need a lecture from you, either of you. I can handle this."

"What is this? What is going on? Just tell us." Steve pleaded

Lou sighed, "Alright, alright," He relented, "Have you two ever felt smothered? Like everything was closing in on you? Look, I love my wife but lately I feel like she's putting all of these demands on me."

Bill looked puzzled, over the years he had gotten to know Mary and she seemed one of the easiest people to be around that he knew, "What demands?"

"I can't put my finger on one thing, but from the time I get home she wants me to do one thing or another. When I was married to Edie she let me kick my shoes off and relax. There was no nagging or anything."

"Uh, Lou, that's called life, being a husband, a father." Bill told him, "You know, there's a big difference between Mary and Edie. Mary works, Edie didn't so much of what Mary is asking you to do would probably be done if she didn't work. Plus you have kids."

"Look, I know all that. I didn't put up any kind of fight when Mary said she wanted to keep working. I wasn't about to ask her to give up a career she worked hard for. I was her boss. I know how much it meant to her. I don't think that would solve anything either."

"What would solve things? Do you want a divorce?" Steve asked him, "Why is this all of a sudden bothering you? I mean you've been married before."

"I don't know," he answered honestly, "Edie made things so easy. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake thinking I could marry someone so much younger and start over again. I love her but maybe we are just too different."

Mary sat at the dining room table helping Lilly with her homework. She was hoping when Lou came home they could sit down and talk things over some more. If they were ever going to get through this he had to resist his usual urge to clam up. Lou came in the back door and heard voices as he made his way toward to dining room. He came to the doorway and saw Mary and Lily. He stood there for a moment watching them. _I do love her, _he thought, _she deserves better than this. I owe it to all of us to try._

"Okay, sweetheart, if four times six is twenty-four what is four times seven?" Mary asked patiently

Lily thought for a second, "Twenty eight?"

Mary smiled, "Very good, honey." She put her arm around her daughter and gave her an approving squeeze, "So is that it?"

"Yes, Mommy." Lily said, "I did my other homework all by myself."

"Good, then take your books and put them back in your bag. We'll have dinner in a little while." Mary told her, "And tell Sam his room better be clean because I'm coming to check it."

"Okay, Mommy, "Lily said getting up. She turned around and saw Lou, "Hi, Daddy."

Lou smiled, "Hi honey." He said hugging her.

Lily walked out of the room, "Sam!" She called out, "Mommy says your room better be clean!" Lou laughed to himself. She really was a miniature version of her mother

Mary stood up, "Hi." She said picking up her glass to take to the kitchen, "How was your game?" She asked walking past him into the kitchen

Lou shrugged, "I've played better." He said following her, "Um, are you alright?"

Mary poured the water out of her glass and put it in the dishwasher, "Not really." She steadied herself leaning against the counter with her back to him. Tears began to fall from her eyes

"We, uh, we didn't really talk this morning. I got up early and you weren't in bed. I don't remember you coming to bed last night." He had fallen asleep before Mary had come inside

Still with her back to him, she wiped her eyes, "I slept in the guestroom," She explained, "I thought you needed the space."

He took a step toward her, "You didn't have to do that."

She turned around to face him, "Lou, I don't know what you want from me. I have tried to be a good wife," she looked down at her hands, "You can't possibly know how much I love you."

He crossed the room to where she stood and took her hands in his, "You have been a wonderful wife. In so many ways you are the best thing that ever happened to me. After Edie left me and I broke up with Charlene, I never thought I would love anyone else. You've shown me that I can."

Mary smiled a little, "I want to make you happy again. I want us back. If you're willing to try, I happen to believe we're worth fighting for."

Lou cupped her face in his hands, "You're damn right we are."


	5. Chapter 5

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

Things had been slowly but steadily improving for Mary and Lou. He was making more of an effort to be a partner rather than expecting Mary to shoulder so much of the burden at home. She was making more of an effort to allow him some space and do things for herself as well. Things were still quite fragile but improving. They had some major fights and at one time or another both had almost walked out and even considered a trial separation but neither could bring themselves to be the heavy and leave. They had spent some nights sleeping apart and then would come back together. They did their best to keep their fights quiet and not upset the children. They were finding their way back to each other one fight, one tearful reconciliation at a time. It would almost be easier if their problem was infidelity but it was like they had to learn how to be married again. But for today, in this moment, things were better.

Mary was in her office with Matthew Carlson the producer of the six o'clock news, going over the rundown for the evenings broadcast.

She looked over what Matthew had done. He was a very good producer and usually his work only needed minor tweaking. He was young, eager and smart, "Alright, I think if we switch the first two segments around we would have a better flow. This may be news but we still have an audience to appeal to. See what I mean?"

Matthew took the clipboard from her and looked at it, "Oh yes, I see what you mean Mrs. Grant."

Mary smiled at the young man sitting across from her. She was just about old enough to be his mother, "Matthew, please call me Mary. Mrs. Grant is way too formal. I don't want to have that kind of relationship with the people in my newsroom."

"I heard you called your husband Mr. Grant when you started working here." Matthew had heard the story of how Mary had started here with no experience and worked her way up. He hoped to do the same

"That was a long time ago and my husband was quite intimidating at the time. He thought that made people turn out better work. Maybe it's because I'm a woman but I never thought that tactic really worked." She told him just as the phone rang, "Excuse me." She picked up the phone, "Mary Grant." It was Lou on the other end, "Hi, Darling…" Matthew got up to excuse himself, "Hold on just a minute…Matthew, after lunch bring the budget sheets in and we'll see if we can tackle them."

"Yes, Mrs.… Mary." He said as he exited her office closing the door behind him

Mary turned her attention back to her husband, "Sorry, I was working on something with Matthew," she explained, "What a nice surprise to hear your voice in the middle of the day…oh, a meeting tonight? Well, I guess if you have to…no I'm not upset, it's okay. I'll see you when you get home…I love you too." She hung up the phone with a knot in her stomach. She prayed this really was a meeting and not another night out with the guys, which he already did one night a week and she had her own night out as well.

**LATER THAT EVENING**

Mary was in bed, it was almost eleven o'clock. She had put the kids to bed, cleaned up the kitchen and put laundry away. She was flipping through a magazine trying not to let her anger and suspicion get the best of her. She wanted to believe there was a good reason the meeting would have lasted this long. She had put the magazine down and was just about to turn out the lights when Lou walked in. She tried to gage his demeanor before speaking. Without speaking he sat on the bed and rubbed his neck then his temples.

"That must have been some meeting." She said trying to soften the sarcasm in her voice

"Mary, don't start." He said taking off his shoes, "I'm exhausted. The new owner of the paper met with us for about an hour and wants a whole bunch of changes made ASAP. I'm getting too old for this."

"An hour?" She questioned arching an eyebrow, "Then where the hell were you the rest of the night?"

He took off his necktie and started unbuttoning his shirt, "He wanted to play poker with us."

Mary's temper started to rise, "Poker?" she asked angrily, "That's what you've been doing all night? Why didn't you tell him you couldn't?"

Lou's fuse was reaching its end as well, "Damn it, can't you understand that I had to. This wasn't just some poker game with the guys, this was with my boss. I can't be seen as not being a team player, no pun intended. You don't just say no to him. I'd like to keep my job." He rubbed his face feeling the scruff of his five o'clock shadow, "I probably should have called but I didn't want to get into a fight in front of my boss."

"So you thought you'd save yourself the trouble and enjoy the poker game then come home and fight with your unreasonable wife?"

"That's not what I said." Lou told her exasperated

Mary got out of bed without a word and headed for the door. Lou looked up, "Where are you going?"

"I need to cool off. I'm going to sleep in the guest room." She told him as she started to open the door

Lou put his head in his hands, "Is this what we've come to? It's like we take a step forward and two steps back." He sighed heavily, "I'm sorry I was out so late. I know I should have at least called and told you. Is that what you want to hear?"

She looked at him with such pain in her once soft brown eyes, "I want you to mean it."

He looked up and met her gaze, something in it reminded him of the first time he met her so many years ago. An uncertainty lingered behind her nervous smile when he interviewed her. He knew the uncertainty now was not about her ability to make it on her own but what would become of the two of them. He felt like he had done this to her, like he had taken her smile away,"I do mean it. You know, it's not like I was out with another woman."

Mary smiled a half smile, "It would be much simpler if you had been." She admitted, "I know you think I am overreacting and maybe you're right. I guess old hurts work their way back to the surface every now and then."

Lou got up, "Come on, let's go to bed." He said turning down the covers

"Alright," She said and got in beside him but instead of turning his back to her he took her in his arms

"Wounds need time to heal, you know?" He told her, "And it seems we keep opening them up."

She rested her head on his chest and for the first time in a long time felt comforted by his strong arms holding her tight, "So what do we do?"

He kissed the top of her head, "We keep fighting our way through it," he told her, "That's what people do when they love each other."

"Funny, there was a time when I thought love couldn't possibly hurt," She admitted then thought for a moment, "Maybe we should get away for a few days. It might help us. We could take a week and go somewhere warm."

Lou signed heavily, "I can't, Mary." He said with regret, "It's just too busy at the paper right now."

She pulled away and looked at him with a weak smile, "Well, it was just a thought." She started to move to her side of the bed but he pulled her back. There was no mistaking the disappointment in her eyes. She laid on her side next to him propping her head with on hand and playing with the sleeve of his t shirt with her other hand

"Honey, I didn't say I didn't want to. I just can't take that kind of time away right now. The new owner wants me to go on a trip to Chicago in a couple of weeks."

"Chicago? For how long?"

"A whole week." He told her, "I'm sorry."

Mary exhaled heavily settling back in his arms, "I know."

"You know what we could do?" He said rubbing her back , "We could take a weekend and go back to the Silver Lake Lodge."

Mary smiled, "Where we went for our first getaway and for our first anniversary," She reminded him

Lou smiled too, "Yeah and when we came back from that anniversary trip we had a little souvenir we didn't know about for a while." He said recalling how they had conceived Lily there

She laughed, "Well, that certainly won't happen again but it could do us some good." She said her eyes getting heavy with sleep

"Yeah, I'll call tomorrow." he agreed, "Then in the summer when the kids go to camp, we can take that week and go somewhere and drink pina colodas and lie on the beach."

"Really?" She questioned looking up at him again

He smiled and kissed her, "I promise."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Mary and Lou headed to the Silver Lake Lodge and so far things were going very well. They hadn't argued about anything on the drive up and they were hoping to recreate the last time they had been there. They checked in and decided to check out the town again, see if anything had changed. But immediately they were disappointed. The bar they had gone too had been turned into a hardware store and a lot of the businesses were boarded up. It seemed the town had fallen on some pretty hard times. In fact they got such a deal on the room at the lodge they almost decided to stay an extra night but they did have jobs to go back to. They decided to take a walk down by the lake since the town was a lost cause.

"I'm sorry things aren't turning out quite like we planned," Lou said taking her hand as they walked along

Mary smiled, "That's alright. It's the time we needed away, not the activities."

"Yeah, I remember the first time we came here. " Lou said, "Ted and Murray followed us because you wouldn't tell them who were going away with."

Mary laughed, "For as long as I live I'll never forget the looks on their faces."

He stopped and turned to her, "It's good to hear you laugh again."

"It feels good to laugh again." She told him and looked at him with uncertainty lingering in her eyes, "Are we going to be okay?"

He took both her hands in his, "I love you, Mary. I have no intention of giving up on us."

"I love you, Lou, probably more than you will ever know." She told him, "I'm not giving up on us either."

He pulled her in his arms and kissed her long and deep, like he hadn't kissed her in a long, long time

"Whoa." She muttered when their lips parted

"Hmmm." He said frowning

"What?" She asked still slightly stunned

"I think I need to practice my technique some more." He said kissing her again, "Oh yeah, that's better."

"Well, maybe we need to go back to the room and practice some more." She suggested, "I mean you'll never reach perfection if you don't practice."

"Well, I think we should eat something first," He told her, "I guess the dining room is it unless we want to fish for our meal in this lake."

They spent the rest of the afternoon in the room. They had ordered room service and took a hot bath together in the Jacuzzi tub. They were playful and affectionate with each other and made love like they hadn't in months. They lay in each other's arms tangled in the sheets. Lou could smell the jasmine from the lotion she used. He pulled her close drinking in the scent. He thought she still had about the sexiest body he'd ever seen. At forty-seven and after two kids, she didn't seem to have changed much. Her legs were still long and lean. Her once thin frame was now quite voluptuous and her skin was still soft and silky. He rubbed her back and kissed her on the forehead.

"What do you want to do about dinner?" He asked, "We could go downstairs and eat in the dining room."

Her eyelids were heavy, "Hmmm, why don't we order room service again?"

"We could," He agreed, "But they may start thinking we're fooling around in here."

She rolled over on top of him and kissed him, "And what's wrong with that?"

"Damned if I know." He said brushing her hair away from her face, "I just wish we could stay this way forever."

She smiled, "So do I, but we have a life to get back to and issues to deal with." She reminded him moving off of him and settling back in his arms

He sighed, "Let's just enjoy the time we have here, huh?"

"I want to." She assured him, "But one weekend away doesn't solve all of our problems. Part of the reason I wanted to do this was so we could talk, without all the distractions we have at home."

Lou was starting to get irritated, "We've been talking."

"I know we have." She agreed, "But I just don't want to go back home and have the same arguments we've been having. I really want this to be a new start for us."

He took his forefinger and lifted her chin so their eyes met, "We won't and it will." He assured her, "I promise." He kissed her softly on the lips

They spent the rest of the day and night in bed basically becoming reacquainted with each other, not just physically but emotionally. They drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

Mary was on the phone with her mother while the kids were playing in their rooms after dinner and Lou was in the den watching a game. He had cooked for them and she had cleaned up. Things were finally starting to level out for them. She could hear the kids getting louder and starting to fight with each other as she talked to her mother.

"Yeah, Mom, things are really good." She assured her, "Better than they have been in a while…no he's relaxing in the den or maybe not, I think his team is losing." She heard the kids getting even louder…"Hold on Mom." She walked over to the hallway and called out, "Come on you two, knock it off. Your dad is trying to watch a game and his team is losing so I don't think you want him to come in there. Lights out in fifteen minutes, you hear me?" She heard them agree and got back on the phone, "Sorry, the kids have been fighting since I picked them up…oh the usual stuff, they did the whole 'I'm not touching you' thing on the way home…right, well I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow…okay, bye, Mom."

She hung up and fixed herself a brandy and Lou a fresh scotch then went into the den to join him. She found him tense and white knuckling it on the edge of the couch, "Here, have a drink." She handed him a scotch and sat next to him

"I can't believe this. The Twins should be kicking some serious butt…come on." He yelled at the tv, "What are you doing out there?" A commercial came on and he sat back on the couch, "Just my luck."

"You had the Twins in the pool at work didn't you?" She asked knowing every year they had a baseball pool at the paper

"Yeah, man I'm screwed." He took drink of scotch

She sat her drink down on the coffee table, "Come here, let me help you relax."

He turned his back to her and she began massaging his shoulders, "The only thing that will help me relax is not losing all that money."

She kept massaging, "I don't know why you do this to yourself. It can't be any fun." She had learned not to say much about his betting and he was never irresponsible with their money

He smiled, "Well, would you be giving me a massage if I weren't all tense?"

"Oh, so that's why you do this to play on my sympathies?" She asked pushing him away playfully

He laughed picking up his scotch and taking another drink, "Who were you talking to earlier?"

"Oh, that was Mom. After I left she said she got a call from Aunt Flo. She's in Marrakesh."

"That woman just doesn't quit, does she?" He marveled at Mary's sixty-five year old aunt

Mary smiled taking a drink of brandy, "Well, where do you think I get all my spunk?"

Lou turned to her, "Hmmm." He said moving closer to her, "You wanna know something?" He asked kissing her neck, "I hate spunk."

The End


End file.
